Ryan's Ramblings

Deadly Nearness

"My Father God, save me from… deadly nearness." – J.H. Jowett

"He came to Jesus at night…" (John 3:2, NIV)

Some ironies are tragic. Nicodemus was so near to Jesus, yet so far from Life. We first meet him at night—a Pharisee, a seeker of truth—meeting Jesus under the cover of darkness. Respectful, earnest… yet hesitant.

In John 7, Nicodemus speaks up for Jesus, defending His right to a fair hearing among the Pharisees, and yet he wavers. Reluctant to take a stand—to go all in.

Then, in John 19, Nicodemus helps prepare Jesus’ body for burial. He draws near, but Jesus is dead. The call to be born again is missed, and the last time we see him, he stands in the tomb of Jesus—silent.

After this moment, Nicodemus is not heard from again in Scripture. His story fades into history, speculation, and unspoken regret. What could have been is hauntingly gone. This is the sound of deadly nearness—a stillness that follows a life lived just outside the fullness of faith.

It’s more than a missed opportunity; it’s a choice—a failure to embrace the life that Jesus offers. The truth and presence of Christ are right in front of us, but we hold back, preferring our misery over His mystery. All that remains is a silent void—a deadly nearness.

Some ironies are truly tragic.

Dear Jesus, save me from deadly nearness. May I not linger in the shadows, hesitating at the threshold of Your love and grace. Help me lean fully into You, embracing the Life and transformation that You offer. Teach me to live my faith boldly, and walk with You in Spirit and in Truth. Amen.